Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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