His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
