Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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