This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
