So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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