HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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