glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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