best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
