God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
