but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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