if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I AM VODKA MAN
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
