im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
