Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
