That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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