You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
