I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
