sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
