whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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