Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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