i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
