This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
