I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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