i permit you to call me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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