The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
