I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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