I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
