i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
