the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
