ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
