I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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