I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
