I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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