The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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