At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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