I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
