No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
