My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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