Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
