i love accidental penises.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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