I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
