Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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