So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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