i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
