You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
