but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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