I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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