Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
