Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
