I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
