Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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